Like crime like punishment
by delos13
Summary: The title says it all...


A/N – this story was written as a birthday present for my friend too_beauty but I hope other Alexander's fans (ahem, not of this particular incident) will enjoy reading it. It takes place in AU, especially given the fact that the presence of certain personage was geographically impossible at that time.

O

Hephaistion sighed and tried to force himself to finish the matters at hand. It was unrelentingly difficult task in the recent days. It didn't matter what he did at any given moment, his thoughts went back to the most horrifying moments in his life when Alexander, furious and enraged, declared before the gaping crowd that Hephaistion was nothing without him.

In the days that followed, the king was not himself and, according to Leonnatos, Hephaistion was actually the luckiest of them all because he was the only one who had an official excuse not being in Alexander's presence. The king tried to find somebody to blame, stubbornly refusing to accept the inevitable truth that he was the guilty side.

"He is one of the highest ranking generals in my army, he has to know how to restrain himself!" he shouted at Perdiccas who tried to explain to the king that he was wrong.

"And you are THE highest ranking general in your army, surely you have to possess that quality yourself!

Alexander refused to make the first step towards the reconciliation hoping that Hephaistion would come to him with words of forgiveness. Hephaistion's heart was almost ready to make that first step but Hephaistion's mind couldn't grasp the possibility. The army became uneasy and visibly divided taking side with one or the other general.

"As if the rest of us don't matter," theatrically complained Ptolemy trying to elicit some semblance of smile from Hephaistion's sour face. The general came for a visit earlier that morning, informing his friend that those few in the army who remained cool headed were working tirelessly on breaching the widening gap. "Following our advice, Alexander declared today a day of rest. Everybody should be outside, mingling with each other, telling cheerful stories and making new friends. Some sport events organized, dancing, free wine in moderation. Come out and relax. If you won't attend, Alexander will go berserk. Please, I beg you, give it a chance."

Hephaistion reluctantly agreed but a few hours later he still was inside finding one urgent matter after another. He got a few friendly visitors, encouraging him to show up, but he sent them all away with the same answer, "just give me a moment, I will come right after you."

"But I am still here," he reproached himself trying to win, but still loosing, the internal battle.

Somebody came from outside into the antechamber and Hephaistion prepared to listen to more arguments. For a few moments there was silence that was interrupted by some loud and harsh screeching and hissing. The sound was completely unfamiliar to Hephaistion so he decided to go to investigate. He left the inner part of his tent and stepped into the antechamber. There he saw Admetos, one of his pages, struggling with something on the floor.

"What's the matter, Admetos?" asked the general.

The page straightened from the bent down position and turned around to face the general.

"What is that?" caught by surprise asked Hephaistion. He was staring at the big white bird the likes of which he never saw before. The bird was a size of the average falcon, had a massive curved bill and a magnificent snowy crest. It sat more or less peacefully on the gloved hand of his page, rather delicately spreading his powerful scaly claws around the palm.

"It's called a cockatoo," shyly announced Admetos, "I bought it from some trader a few months ago as a present for your birthday."

"Are you always buying birthday presents half a year in advance?" asked the general viewing the bird with interest. "Besides, it must have cost you a fortune. Why would you do that?"

Admetos smiled again, "To tell you the truth, I could probably afford only a few feathers from this bird. I got help from some of your friends."

"Ah," commented Hephaistion as if it clarified the matter. "What I am going to do with it?"

"It's a very special bird, general."

"How special?"

"It can talk."

"What do you mean it can talk?"

"It can mimic our speech. You just have to teach it. Takes time, of course, but nobody else has such a bird. Not even our king. The trader had two more birds, not for sale though, they could already talk; otherwise I would never believe him."

"Admetos, I really appreciate the thought but really… I don't know… I don't think that I have time for it. Besides, if it's my birthday present, why are you giving it to me now?"

Admetos lowered his eyes. "I ran into unexpected problem, I hoped you can help me to resolve it."

"What kind of the problem?"

"You see," the page started to explain. "Before giving it to you, I wanted to teach it a few words. The first one was his name."

"It already has a name?"

"It didn't when I bought him but I thought I knew the name which was appropriate, so, though it took me more than a month, I managed to teach him to say his name."

"And what is that appropriate name?"

"How about you ask him yourself? You should stand before him so that he can hear your voice and see your lips. Maybe repeat a few times if he doesn't answer right away."

"I sort of feel stupid asking this bird its name. You are not making fun of me, are you?"

"Of course I am not, I would never dare."

"All right," agreed Hephaistion. He came closer to the bird and with some hesitancy in his voice, asked, "What is your name?"

The bird ruffled its feathers and stared at Hephaistion with arrogant eyes.

"Well," Hephaistion repeated in his most stern voice, "I asked you a question, bird. What is your name?"

The cockatoo proudly fanned its crest and loudly announced, "Alexander!"

Hephaistion laughed so sincerely that he felt tears coming down his eyes. "How could I doubt it?!"

"Well, it was before…," mumbled Admetos, "you know…"

"Yes, yes, don't worry, sounds like a perfect name anyway. Does he know any other words?"

"Yes, and that's the real problem."

"What else did you teach him? Don't tell me it's "I love you." "

"No," said Admetos, "you see, I only managed to teach him his name. But then I didn't have time and, and … I lent it to some of your friends, they asked me to. Those that, you know, gave me the money to buy it. I suspected they won't have time or patience either but I couldn't really refuse. Besides, it was after king's outburst and they said they would teach him to say some nice words to you, to make you smile."

"Oh, my, I am not sure I want to know. What are those words?"

"Well, as I said, they really didn't have time so they resorted to some rather cruel measures."

"What kind of measures?"

"These birds are very social and need a constant company. If not the company of other birds like them, then at least humans or other animals. Also, they like a lot of light. So, your friends deprived the creature of light and company until it learnt the words."

"I see. Poor thing. I will make sure that it always has a lot of light and is among people. But then why did you extinguish almost all the lights here and where are the rest of my pages?"

"As you see, I brought the bird in this closed cage so that he remained quiet. I asked the other pages to exit, so that's only us left. You see, your friends, they overdid it. They kept it so long in darkness and alone that he learnt his lesson all too well. Now, the moment there are a lot of people and a lot of light, he can't stop repeating those words."

"So, what are those words?"

"Well, there is no point of hiding. Let's lit the lights and invite the pages back. Here, take the bird," Admetos gave another glove to Hephaistion and handed him the bird.

Hephaistion put the glove on and extended his hand in invitation. The bird didn't hesitate for long and stepped from Admetos' palm into Hephaistion's.

When more lights were lit the cockatoo visibly perked up and came alive. Just when Admetos was about to call the pages, somebody from outside opened the flap of the tent and stepped in. It was Perdiccas, Leonnatos and Ptolemy; the rest of Hephaistion's pages followed the suit.

"Ah, one Alexander is already here," cheerfully noted Leonnatos.

"Why would I even doubt!" exclaimed Hephaistion realizing who his mysterious friends behind the purchase were.

In meantime, the cockatoo, putting two and two together, wanted to show that he learnt his lesson well.

"Alexander fool! Alexander stupid! Alexander idiot!" he announced loudly to everybody.

"You are nuts!" exclaimed Hephaistion in horror.

In that moment Nearchus, the other culprit behind the speech lessons, came in. "Sorry I am late, but I think we really should go, everybody is expecting us to show up. Hephaistion, are you coming?" he asked his friend holding the flap of the tent open for the general to exit.

But the cockatoo was the first one to answer the call. He made a beeline from Hephaistion's hand to the outside, happy to be free, enjoy the sunlight and enormous crowd of people. Eager to prove that he learnt his lesson well and deserves his freedom, he started to make circles over the bewildered people, announcing in his loudest, screechiest, shrilliest voice ever,

"Alexander fool! Alexander stupid! Alexander idiot!"


End file.
